How far have we travelled?

Just this last week I received an unexpected short course in essential life skills. Who would have thought a tiny baby could teach me so much? How did that tiny scrap of humanity, barely three weeks old, arrive in the world with so much understanding, sensitivity and wisdom to share? Just one week in the presence of purity, simplicity and baby know-how transported me into another world – his world. The world of baby Oscar is a world of delightful innocence, breathtaking naivety and, at the same time,  an awe-inspiring realism. Oscar’s world is about essentials: sleep, feed, bath, love – possibly not in that order. Oscar’s world is alternately full of the most amazing peacefulness and the most heart-rending screams. But a contented baby is one of the most heart-warming sights in this world; the sight of little Oscar, fast asleep, cheek resting on his tiny hand and breathing with deep little sighs of contentment is a wonder to behold. Tiptoe softly around him in case you awaken this blissful repose.

 

Oscar’s needs and wants are simple: the sound of a familiar voice, the smell of his mother’s skin, the ever-ready milk bar, the long awaited touch of Daddy, home at last from work and caressing him with eager fingers...

 

Pure as the driven snow – a cliché in most circumstances but a mysterious truth when applied to babies. Oscar is a January baby and pushing his pram through the piles of freshly swept, pure white snow seems oddly appropriate – a crisp, pristine snowy vista, under skies of perfect blue, as a fitting backdrop for this most perfect new life, soft, white and baby-new. A new, unblemished life, a blank canvas awaiting whatever life may bring, unsullied by the ugliness of life’s disappointments, hardships and imperfections, but sparkling in the sunshine, full of promise. This image will be fixed in my mind forever. In Oscar’s world the closest attention is paid to the tiniest details: a small fleck of yellow sleep is gently brushed from Oscar’s eye; the tiniest of milk spots detected on his little forehead is brooded over anxiously. Pure as the driven snow.

 

Where did we go wrong? How did life get so complicated? How did we stray so far from the basics? We have lost our inner peace. In our adult worlds of street-cred and worldly wisdom we have strayed so far from the contentment we once knew at the touch of a hand, the sense of belonging and being loved, through the simple awareness of the nearness of family and friends and the joy of unashamed eye to eye contact. Oscar gazes into my eyes, unblinking, soaking up the warmth and admiration I give him and returning it willingly, without a hint of distrust or suspicion. This last week has been a week of de-tox, a health farm retreat, whilst a crash course has been delivered in the basic joys and essentials of life itself. Thank you Oscar.  

Head over Heels

Such a nice expression for being in love, being full of joy, being passionate about something or someone! It was Valentine´s Day the other day and a good time for being head over heels. However, in addition to all that, right now I´m verging on being heart over head - that´s something different. House hunting is a serious business. When you´ve at least semi-retired (isn´t that all any of us do these days?), sold up your house abroad, left your expat life behind and come home, finding a new home is all important. Serious stuff which requires a lot of thought and careful planning and all the wisdom of age...

So what are we doing? Well, it´s a long story. Years of planning went into this. Months of sitting at the computer screen researching locations, researching houses for sale, canvassing family and friends for their valued opinions... and dreaming. Ah, that´s where the plan breaks down. Dreaming gets you into a load of trouble! It´s good to dream. One should never lose that capacity, for idle day-dreaming, passionate longing, pleasant, lingering thoughts of ideal locations, romantic pastimes...

Until the dream threatens to become reality! Maybe not the whole dream - that´s probably more than anyone can ask for in these days of recession, tough love and doing the right thing. But at least a part of the dream - something which touches the heart whilst not wholly satisfying the head´s stringent list of requirements - might be possible!

So that´s how a sweet little bungalow on the west coast of Wales, close to the beach and set admidst green hills (made green by rather too much rain, it´s true), slipped through the practical net and landed there in the middle of all our planning and refused to go away. Unlike all our other favourite internet properties which we saved on the computer for later when our house had been sold, this one stayed there, tantalisingly real, as a tiny possibility for one day fulfilling those dreams. Naughty really, but nice. It´s a bungalow, after all, and within easy walking distance of shops, health centre and train station. There´s a pharmacy nearby and a library (at the moment) and a flat walk along the seafront to keep us healthy and fit, with a tennis court for gentle exercise, so what could be wrong with that? Well, that´s what we tell ourselves. We´re being careful. Well, that´s it for now. I´m wearing my heart on my sleeve, telling you all this, but it´s uppermost in my mind at the moment...

Except for my other dream come true which is already tugging at my heartstrings (what a lot of wonderful expressions the English language has!). My new grandson! I´m no longer a grandma in waiting (see previous blog!) but a hands-on grandma with  four whole days of experience (almost an expert). So I have one dream in the bag now (and it´s a good one) and another one in process. 2013 has been quite a year so far.