True Friendship

Takes a long time… or takes just a moment. It’s a tricky concept this friendship thing. True friendship breaks through the pain barriers – that stiff, awkward feeling that often goes before a real friendship is struck. Some lucky mortals don’t appear to go through that stage: the life and soul of the party from that first moment, easy-going conversation, rapport, lack of self-consciousness… But, in reality, probably we all have a pain barrier to go through in pursuit of that warm, feel-good factor of real friendship. Some of us just hide it better than others.

Some of my best, closest, most relaxed friendships were forged before I even knew how to spell ‘worry’. They were the easy ones. “Would you like to play with my dolls?” “Yes” – easy! Teenage friends were less easy. Hard to be cool sometimes. In my twenties and thirties I knew more of that community feel than at any other time. It’s maybe a thing I hanker after even now. Sitting on the floor, sharing a coffee or a glass of wine, pouring out your heart (in the days before you knew it was dangerous to do so), laughing, crying… That’s what true friendship can be made of. Forged out of crises, struggles, good times, bad times. Shared experiences while the kids were growing up…

But sometimes it was quick as a flash. We just hit it off. We shared a sense of humour. We got angry about the same things… Who knows? But it worked. The chemistry was there. An instant friendship of that kind once led to sharing a flat with a girlfriend. We hardly knew each other and yet, after that first long evening of endless cups of coffee and endless chatter, we just knew – we could be friends. It would work. And it did. Just as well – we had only one room between us and no money!

Then I fell in love. When we got married she was my bridesmaid. I gave her my teddy bear to make up for moving on! I didn’t need it any more; she did. I had found another true friend. Thirty-seven years later, she’s thrown out the bear, she told me, but I still have my best friend. He was a true friend, it seems. You can weather a lot of storms with a true friend. They’re hard to find but, when you find one, it’s worth hanging on in there, despite the ups and downs. They don’t come along all that often.

Cycle and Recycle – a Day in the Life of our Planet

I was pondering the other day on the ‘cycle of life’! A big subject for one so young…

In recent weeks we have had both a death and a new birth in our family circle. A great aunt gone and a new baby arrived. What does it all mean? Well, it seems to mean different things on different levels.

Objectively speaking, it is simply a question of arithmetic. One in, one out. In statistical terms, we wiped the slate clean. No change. Still the same number in the family; still the same number on the planet. Life goes on. The family continues. Things are just a little re-distributed. On one side of the family there is an additional mouth to feed, an additional bundle of fun – and of trouble! On the other side there is one less aged relation to care for, but also one less human being and much-loved family member. But in the scales of life, it all weighs the same.

Subjectively, it is a whole different ball game. The loss demanded a funeral, a modest crowd of grieving relatives and a gap in the family which will never be filled, no matter how many new additions arrive in the family. So much individuality, creativity, personality and love lost, never to be recovered. Such a big gap to fill in the lives of those closest. As for the new addition – such a source of happiness, hope, expectations, warmth and vibrancy! A new life which just the other day did not exist – and now does.

People are born. People get old and die. On a similar theme, again just the other day, I was pondering the strange qualities of the English language, more particularly, the question of ‘opposites’. ‘Old’. What does it mean? We can learn more by examining the opposite concept. But what precisely is the opposite of old? On closer examination we find that old is coupled with young – yes, we knew that. But also with ‘new’! Young and old; old and new! So young and new – are they the same? Their opposites are obviously both contained within the concept of oldness.

In this spring season, I have been confronted with a lot of young-ness – baby chicks, lambs, ducklings, calves, piglets and the family of blackbirds that are in the process of hatching out in our hydrangea bush. They are very young, very vulnerable, very sweet. But also, of course, brand new! Their newness is exhilarating and a large part of their charm. Lambs on new wobbly legs; baby birds unable yet to fly; ducklings that have yet to be introduced to water. Why? Because they’re new. It’s all new – and exciting!

So the cyle of life goes on. Spring is full of it. Autumn sees the other end of the cycle. But that’s another story. Life and death: joy and grief. Hope and disappointment. It’s a big subject, the comings and goings on our planet, but one we take for granted every day. Funny that...

Lily Grace

We have a new member of our family now. She arrived the other day and was given the gift of a name on arrival: Lily Grace. She'll go far with a name like that! Some names just have a ring to them - a kind of flow. They sound like music.

What's in a name? What indeed? A name can make all the difference. Ask the marketing companies. There's a fortune in the right name for the right product.

Lily Grace is a product, of course. In the strictest sense of the word, she was produced by her clever parents, with a little help from the cosmic plan that underwrites all such happenings. One day her name may come in handy from a commercial, career enhancement point of view, but not just yet! Right now she's just Lily Grace - that sweet bundle of joy in a pink babygrow who delights the rest of her family with her charms. She has no idea what her fortune may turn out to be and whether her name will help.

A friend recently sent a joke via the internet about 'Being Poor'. The gist of it was the shame experienced by a young girl during her first ever school lesson on that age-old mystery: where do babies come from? Mortified, she explained to her parents her embarrassment when her friends voiced their various expert theories on the subject, from storks to gooseberry bushes to supermarkets and she was forced to admit that her own parents had been so poor they had to make her themselves!!! The truth will out! But the truth is we're all products and we all need the right name.

In many cultures names have a meaning. We researched our own daughter's name extensively. Catherine Joy: pure + joy = pure joy! Not a bad start in life. Does the name shape the baby or the baby shape the name? An interesting question. Names such as Faith or Hope, Charity or Verity give a child a lot to live up to but also mark the level of trust invested in them by their hopeful parents. It's good to have positive expectations.

So here's to you, Lily Grace! May you be blessed with the beauty and sweet temperament your family have invested in you. We look forward to meeting you.

Soft the rain is falling...

It's a pretty month - May. One of my favourites. It doesn't always come up to our expectations but when it does it is one of the best.  Sadly, spring is often swallowed up between winter and summer and barely happens. One minute we are frozen; the next minute, finally, it is summer. Not so this year. April has been  how it should be - a glorious start to spring with a typical mix of April showers and blustery days, punctuated by warm sunshine. May promises to follow suit, although we are only at the beginning. Maybe we've had a touch too much rain for some, but with a shortage of rain these last two years, we can hardly complain, and there's plenty of sunshine too.

It is not often I celebrate the rain. But at this time of year there is a special kind of rain which drops softly down on our gardens, encouraging fresh, prolific new growth and bringing hope. Winter is over and, no matter what the weather may do, it will not return until next year. Balmy days are on the way. We can even enjoy the rain... especially in these days of drought! 

Soft the rain is falling

Gentle on my garden

Sweetly gently falling

Bringing summer softness.

Gone the winter’s harshness

Melted now for summer

Memories of winter

Peaceful, flowing down.

Lilac brings forgetfulness

Like the pain of childbirth

Gently, gently borne

Into the soft and waiting earth.

Purple petals falling

Blossom drifting downward

Fragrance all around

Is scattered on the breeze.

Seasons bring new gifts;

Old ones are forgotten.

Bright the summer skies

As the rain falls gently down.

Healer of my winter times,

Time is flowing onward,

Mellows tones of harshness

Into softened shades of gold.

Like a gentle river

Time flows on unending

Bringing back perspective

And washing sorrows clean.

Come then gentle raindrops

Wash away my sorrows.

Bring your glistening rainbow

In the sunlight of new hope.