Trespass on my private space and I will react instantly with discomfort. I will wriggle awkwardly, move a little further away and try to avoid answering your too personal questions. Those who feel threatened may react more violently. Individuals, it seems, and especially English ones, have invisible boundaries around them, like continental fishing limits – no-go areas with a keep-out sign erected.
How do we acquire these boundaries? Some of it depends upon our race or nationality; sometimes it’s about our upbringing. Some of us live in detached houses, behind security fences, reclining in our luxury living rooms several feet apart. Our physical contact is minimal. We are used to a lot of space. Not everyone’s sense of space is the same. Some cultures and backgrounds teach us to need a lot of space; others live with a much cosier, relaxed attitude. But each of us has limits – stand too close and I feel threatened and will take a step backwards – especially if you had garlic sausage for breakfast!
Some of us inhabit crowded tenement buildings and huddle together in front of the TV, three in a row on the battered old sofa, sharing our bags of crisps and showing our affection by means of hugs and a very physical, affirming body language. Our more aggressive feelings may take the form of fist fights or wrestling. We are used to engaging closely with each other.
Some of us snuggle up to each other like hamsters in a pet shop. Others prefer a more ‘arm’s length’ approach, despite our warm feelings towards each other, and our communication is verbal and from a safe distance. Why is this? Maybe big families have more of a ‘snuggling’ instinct. What about ‘only’ children? Are they used to more of their own space? What about twins? Does it make a difference in life when you spend the first nine months of existence in a shared space, even in the womb? And how do families behave where children routinely share bedrooms and have no private space of their own? As we grow up we crave a bit of privacy and room to breathe.
What makes one person reserved and another one ‘chummy’? Why do some nationalities link arms or wrap their arms around each other as they walk down the street? Why do English strangers often smile at each other in the street but in other nations this is out of the question? Why do we greet each other when out walking in the countryside or in village streets but rarely in the city? Is it about feelings of security and identification with each other or the lack of them?
There is a growing desire, often expressed these days in modern Western cultures, to return to our roots and rediscover that sense of community many of us feel we have lost. We long to exchange our ‘four walls’ mentality and our sense of isolation within our immediate family circle with that sense of well-being we imagine belongs to those who live with their extended family and enjoy being known in the wider community. We long for a bit more intimacy and expressiveness with our friends and family.
How do we acquire these boundaries? Some of it depends upon our race or nationality; sometimes it’s about our upbringing. Some of us live in detached houses, behind security fences, reclining in our luxury living rooms several feet apart. Our physical contact is minimal. We are used to a lot of space. Not everyone’s sense of space is the same. Some cultures and backgrounds teach us to need a lot of space; others live with a much cosier, relaxed attitude. But each of us has limits – stand too close and I feel threatened and will take a step backwards – especially if you had garlic sausage for breakfast!
Some of us inhabit crowded tenement buildings and huddle together in front of the TV, three in a row on the battered old sofa, sharing our bags of crisps and showing our affection by means of hugs and a very physical, affirming body language. Our more aggressive feelings may take the form of fist fights or wrestling. We are used to engaging closely with each other.
Some of us snuggle up to each other like hamsters in a pet shop. Others prefer a more ‘arm’s length’ approach, despite our warm feelings towards each other, and our communication is verbal and from a safe distance. Why is this? Maybe big families have more of a ‘snuggling’ instinct. What about ‘only’ children? Are they used to more of their own space? What about twins? Does it make a difference in life when you spend the first nine months of existence in a shared space, even in the womb? And how do families behave where children routinely share bedrooms and have no private space of their own? As we grow up we crave a bit of privacy and room to breathe.
What makes one person reserved and another one ‘chummy’? Why do some nationalities link arms or wrap their arms around each other as they walk down the street? Why do English strangers often smile at each other in the street but in other nations this is out of the question? Why do we greet each other when out walking in the countryside or in village streets but rarely in the city? Is it about feelings of security and identification with each other or the lack of them?
There is a growing desire, often expressed these days in modern Western cultures, to return to our roots and rediscover that sense of community many of us feel we have lost. We long to exchange our ‘four walls’ mentality and our sense of isolation within our immediate family circle with that sense of well-being we imagine belongs to those who live with their extended family and enjoy being known in the wider community. We long for a bit more intimacy and expressiveness with our friends and family.
However, whatever the reason, we all like a bit of our own space. It’s a deeply rooted human instinct but is one that lies dormant until someone steps over the limit. Living in another culture that is not our own can be our first awakening of this instinct and takes a lot of adjustment and a good sense of humour to adapt. Even our search for a better experience of ‘community living’ takes some adjustment and is a process which we can only undertake a step at a time, with due respect for our own and other people’s needs for privacy. My invisible keep-out sign is still up and you will eventually bang your nose on it if you make a wrong move! So is yours, so I will try to be careful.
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